The Rights and Wrongs of the Phantom's Tale
by Future Idol
Summary: This is my First Ever fanfiction! YAY! squeal. It shows what really happened, and how everything really turned out. My summery may suck violently, but my story is pretty sweet, so everyone clicky clicky the magic button and read! A lot of Raoul bashing.
1. The Auction

_Author's Note!_

_Ok, this is my __**first ever fanfic**__! I'm so happy!!! squeal Someone hold me!!! _

_Well, let's not waste, precious time, we don't want to be kept away from our precious phantom now would we??? NO!_

_This story is my version of the phantom of the opera. My characters are the ALW 2004 version (a.k.a Sexy Gerard Butler, Whore Emmy Rossum, and Transvestite Patrick Wilson). The whole thing is based of the ALW 2004 version actually… okay, here we go!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom (though I should… humph… my sexy-boo…), Christine (good, that's lesbian), or Raoul (I'm SO fine with that!!! Gaston Leroux and Andrew Lloyd Webber can KEEP him!) I do not own anything, except my phabulous ideas for this story._

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**First scene: The Auction (dun dun dun duuuuun)**

The opera house was torn down, and broken. Inside Old Raoul and Old Giry are at an auction and wait patiently for the next lot to be sold.

The auctioneer is handed a small box with a monkey in Persian robes on it and screams,"Who wants this monkey!?!?"

"Omg, meeeeee!!!" Raoul clapped his hands very girlish, but is careful not to move, for he might… mess up his hair… -gasp-!

"I'll fight you for it, bitch!" screams Meg, as she jumps viciously at Raoul, clawing his face; while he fights her off, desperate to win their cat fight, "I want the monkey! It plays fucking music!!!"

Raoul pouts, jutting his lower lip out while widening his eyes, performing the perfect puppy dog face.

"Fuck you! It's mine! I bet… $1… MUHAHAHAHAH!" declares Meg.

Raoul gasped, "But I only have $1,000,000!!! I'll never be able to get it now!"

The auctioneer looked back and forth at the two elders fighting before him over a stupid music box, "Uhhh, are you guys done yet? I want to smack my hammer thingy on the table now."

Raoul got up, fixing his designer coat and dress, and excitedly asked, "You have a hammer thingy?! I want one!" Old Giry evilly laughs while running up to the stage to caress her precious monkey. After a good 10 minute caressing party between Old Giry and the monkey, she slowly lifts her dress.

"Oh God, No!!!!!!!" Raoul screams as he leaps from his wheelchair, to hide his head under his hands as he humps the floor, "mmmmm…"

Finally, Old Giry reaches up her skirt, and pulls out… a… HAMMER THINGY! (AN: Yay, another hammer thingy!)

Raoul looks up and squeals, "Where did you get that?!?!"

Old Giry grinned with her eyebrows raised slightly, "I'll give you the hammer thingy if you let me have the monkey!"

Raoul jumps up and down gleefully, "Gimme gimme gimme!" Old Giry tosses the hammer thingy to Raoul and grabs the monkey.

Truly appalled by the two's behavior, the auctioneer says, "Fine, now that that's settled**, Story Time!!!"**

Raoul and Old Giry squeal, "We love story time!"

The auctioneer turned out the light and put a lit flash light under his face to make scary effect, "Once upon a time there was a sexy guy who was mad at people because they didn't like him, so he totally, like, made the big shiny chandelier fall down."

Raoul and Old Giry gasped, "NO!!! Not the shiny!"

"It's true!!!" cried the auctioneer, "Anyway, I made my slaves repair it and now its, ok-ish, but its not as shiny."

Raoul and Old Giry pout, but turn to look as the tarp is lifted from the shiny chandelier.

Suddenly music is heard. "BUUUUUUUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!!!" -plays phantom of the opera theme song-

Raoul looked around, "Where'd the music come from?" Everyone turned to the auctioneer as he quietly tried to hide the boom box.

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**End of Scene**


	2. Hannibal Rehersals

_Awww, where's the love, people? I really want to know how I'm doing on this story!!! REVIEW!_

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything, It's all Gaston Leroux's and Andrew Lloyd Webber's, blah._

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**2nd Scene: Hannibal Rehersals**

Carlotta screeches from stage, as everyone starts to die in the background. The cleaning crew sweep the dead bodies off as she continues, "Froma thea enslavinga forcea ofa ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!"

Monsieur Lefevre walks onto stage, guiding two homosexuals who kept feeling each other's asses. Monsieur Lefevre clears his throat and said "EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!" As everyone hushed, he continued, "I would like to say that I'm, like, so totally leaving you all, because like, you all suck. Anyway, here are the new gays that will be telling you what to do from now on, Monsieur Firmin and Monsieur Andre, get on with your lives."

Andre leaned in close to Lefevre and whispered, "actually, it's Mademoiselle Andre."

The ballet rats in the background, unaware of what Andre had just said, squealed while making very promiscuous poses, "OOO! They totally have money! Let's fuck them for it!"

Above them, a completely sexy god, of sorts, glared down upon them and their ignorant behavior. "I hate homosexuals..." he growled.

Carlotta looked at them with disgust and snottily said, "get a room, you gays."

Firmin and Andre laughed and simply stated, "if you thing WE'RE gay, then wait ti'll you meet our patron!"

Everyone looked around, waiting to catch a glimpse of the man in heels and sexy underwear, "WHERE?!?!?" they screamed with curiosity.

"Yoohoo, boys. Over here," everyone turned to where the voice came from at the back of the stage. There stood Raoul wearing a pink shirt with matching skirt, reapplying his lipgloss.

"Yup, he's gay," said everyone in unison.

Raoul continued on, ignoring the crowd, "anyway, i'll be totally watching you tonight, and I will select out the lucky few who get to sleep with me tonight!" Everyone screamed and left hurriedly, in hope to escape the choosing eye of the homosexual patron.

"Whatever, they're not good enough for pretty me anyway," Raoul said to himself as he left the opera house.

Slowly everyone came back from their hiding places and Carlotta began to sing again, "I rocka, you all sucka, bow downa to mea."

"SHUT UP!" cries a deep, moving, sexy voice from above. Everyone was dazed, thinking Jesus had finally come for them, and didn't notice the backdrop, falling and squishing their hated Prima Donna.


End file.
